I want…

I want to be happy. I tend to relate having the one I want with happiness…but will that make me happy?  I really like this guy or so I think I do. He crosses my mind constantly, but the thing is, he isn’t that great of a person. I tend to want people like that because I see something in them and want to be the one that helps them be a better person. I’ve never accomplished changing these people in the past, but they still make me feel a certain way that I’m addicted to.  They’re always the emo skater boy type that seems too fucked up to even deal with. Anyway.. I ran 4 miles tonight and picked up the pace the last 1.5 miles. It felt good to run again after about short hiatus. I don’t get that endorphin rush like I used to because when I’m done I go back to being angry. Why can’t I just accept things how they are and go on with my life? I try to have faith that this guy isn’t the one I’m suppose to go after, but that makes me feel like I have to settle one day. I’d rather be alone than settle. I’m currently listening to incubus again. I never really liked them back when they were really big, but now I love them. Especially black heart inertia and megalomaniac.  I should do stats…and that’s what I’m going to do. eventually.

Why am I awake at this ungodly hour?

It’s been a minute since I’ve been on this.. I took a look at my last post and it sounds so lame haha…Well anyway so I have been up for hours because I am a true insomniac. I think way too much so my mind is never at rest for me to sleep. I’ve been thinking about grad school a lot and whether I want to apply when I graduate in May or take time off. The only thing I don’t like about taking time off is that I’m sort of stuck where I am for a while and I want to live in a new place. Grad school would help me to just pick up and move. I don’t even know why I want to move so bad. I guess Little Rock hasn’t really suited me that well and I don’t even know if a new place will help me feel happy. Speaking of happiness, heartbreak sucks! A cute skater boy broke my heart and I’m still trying to get over it.. These thoughts are so random, but I’m just rambling on about the random shit that’s going through my head. But yes, a skater boy… Le sighhhh. So I never smoke, well I do occasionally on that rare occasion that I drink….but I smoked a newport this morning and it made me feel really high. Maybe this is because I never smoke and it’s the newness of it?… Possibly.

Sooo being on the pursuit of happiness. Nothing ever stays gold with me. My mood is like a roller coaster. I know I feel really happy when I meet a boy I’m really into and we click for a while.. but it’s always short lived. Running makes me happy, but that’s only a portion of my day. I like reading. Talking to interesting people makes me happy. I love music; it lifts my mood. God, I hate this cigarette smell. I am currently listening to Regina Spektor.. I should really be studying for stats right now but I HATEEEEEEE that class. I feel A.D.D when I try to even begin to read for that class. Okayyy so I’m done with this post for now. Peaceeee.

The beginning…

So this is my very first post. I’ve been thinking/talking about making a blog forever and never have until now. At first I thought about making a food/exercise blog because it would help motivate me to lose this weight I’ve gained since coming to college haha. I think I’m just going to use it as a journal. I’ll cover many topics on whatever I feel the need to write about as well as use it for a food & exercise blog.

My sleeping schedule is really weird since I wait tables at night. I’m going to try and get that regulated. I miss having normal hours. But anywayyy, I drank a muscle milk ready to drink when I got up at 3pm. I wasn’t very hungry so I just had that to help fuel me. My parents came to town to look at my truck. I had a wreck last night and they wanted to see how much damage I had done. Steve (that’s my trucks name lol) is pretty banged up, but my dad thinks it can be fixed for a pretty reasonable price. He looked at the wreck site and was surprised I didn’t do more damage. Omg, the wreck was soooo freakin’ scary last night. I was leaving work and I went a different route home because I wanted to stop at a gas station and get the diet sprite I was craving (I really need to give these up for good).. Well the gas station ended up being closed so I didn’t get one anyway. When I turned onto this winding street that leads to my place of residence, I took a curve too fast for the wet pavement and my truck spun all the way around and slid into a pole light and side of a cliff. I’m just really glad I wasn’t coming from the other direction because I would have went off this huge cliff into a deep valley. Scary! It was good to see my parents today. I haven’t seen them in a while. They bought me some groceries that I was in need of so I have healthy food and don’t have to scrounge around to make something nutritious! I just had a huge salad of romaine lettuce, steamed broccoli, peas, 2T of feta cheese, 1T lf ranch, 2T croutons, 1 sunshine burger, and 3 vege meatballs. I added the vege meatballs for protein since the sunshine burger only had 3 grams!! I also had a serving of organic torilla chips and 2T salsa. I’m about to go get my long run in. I’m only at 6 miles right now since I’m just starting back training. I want to do some 5ks and longer races in the fall, but at the moment I just want to get fit again! Happy 4th everyone

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